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Cliques and gossip will creep into your youth group unless you take an active stance against them. Popular culture and social behavior has become so dominate, and some church culture so compliant, that your youth group can simply become a reflection of «the world» without a strong Godly effort on your part. No where is this more apparent than in the way the students interact with each other. With all the news that bullying is getting, we should take a look at what is happening with «bullying» in your youth group.

There is no bullying in your youth group…right? There is probably no punching, hitting, or overt name calling, but, if you are not working to prevent it, Christian teens will simply transfer their public school social hierarchy to the youth group setting. The «in» group at school will be the «in» group at youth group. The popular guys and athletes from school will dominate all your «games» and activities. They will do this instinctively.

«Bullying» within Christian youth groups tends to be limited to gossip, cliques, and exclusion. Exclusion is the most subtle, most difficult to spot and probably the most hurtful. When teens practice exclusion they physically, verbally and emotionally «block out» those kids they don’t deem as acceptable. It isn’t that they hit them or verbally abuse them…they simply ignore them. And, most don’t even know they are doing it.

At your next activity, watch your teens. Really watch them. Is there that same group of girls that huddles tightly in the corner? It there a group of «alpha males» that dominates all the interaction and activities? Is there a group of teens that sits quietly, not talking, stuck together by default? Does your group «self segregate» along social economic or racial lines? Do you get complaints of gossiping? Is there a youth that simply wanders form group to group, not really engaging in conversation or interaction? Are there any teens standing or sitting alone? If you answered yes to a few of the above then you have a «cliquey» youth group that will not grow. Why would a visitor feel comfortable when teens that have been coming for years do not feel comfortable and are not included?

The first thing you must do is verbally address the issue. Do it. Use scripture to support what you are doing. My favorites are Mt: 7.3 and 1st Sam 16:7. However, leading a Bible study or preaching a sermon alone will not put an end to cliquey behavior. I have several ideas that will help you create a more loving and accepting youth group. At first it will be an effort and then it will become your youth group’s culture. Don’t just verbally address cliques: break them up. I break up the cliques when I seat or create groups. You can do this anytime you are about to do an activity that requires any type of social grouping: eating a meal, riding in the van, crafts, or games.

Simply «break up» the cliques before they settle into an activity or file onto the bus, etcetera. I stride over and say something like, «You always sit together, let’s make some new friends», and then I point out who goes where. «It’s time to get out of our comfort zones,» I declare and move on. Or I make an announcement that will cause «clique breakup», «Everyone sits with someone from a different school/grade level/neighborhood.» If you don’t do this they will simply group themselves in the same social hierarchy over and over again. This approach looks rather forced in print, but the teens will «reorganize» with your direction. They know their little cliques are boring, repetitive and ungodly, they just can’t stop themselves. They need your help.

I always break up cliques the morning after I’ve performed my show; «The Redneck Was Right.» This show is about acceptance, making new friends by reaching out, and God’s desire that we not judge one another by outward appearance, speech, or economic status. When performed exclusively for youth, I use it to fight youth group cliques, gossip, racism and prejudice. I love performing this show at the first day of camp because it clears the air and gets camp started off on a positive note. I meet the teens as they come out of the chow line at breakfast the morning after the show. I make the pronouncement, «You will sit with someone that you don’t usually sit with.» I then make sure it happens. I will guide a large football player and have him sit with a quite clarinet player. I will guide one of the «in» girls and have her sit with a «quite girl.» I will mix and match, seating teens outside their comfort zones. Some of the youth will be uncomfortable with this, but they will talk to each other. (They are teens after all) It’s a beautiful thing; teens that have been going to group for years and have never spoken will find they have something in common…all because you took a stand and pushed them out of their comfort zones.

What about you? Do you encourage cliques with your own behavior? Do you pick the same teen to lead prayer, the same group to lead activities? Are the same kids hanging out in your office before «group»? Do you greet some teens more enthusiastically then others? Through my years as a counselor, public school teacher, and touring youth speaker/comedian, I’ve learned that teens watch us, actually watch is not strong enough…teens scrutinize us. Everything we do is up for grabs. Teens also have an inner timer that is always running when it comes to your interaction with them. How long to you talk to them? Who did you sit with on the way to the retreat and how long did you sit with them? Who did you sit with on the way home? (Hint: it better be different). If you play favorites, why shouldn’t they?

It is not only who you spend time with in group; it is how you spend time. How do you greet kids and how do you interact with them? If your youth group is like most, there are probably some very trying, needy and dysfunctional individuals in your group. Do you greet and interact with them as enthusiastically and frequently as the «in» kids. The teens are watching you, what are they seeing? If you practice «exclusion» why shouldn’t they?

You can have the accepting and inclusive youth group you always wanted, one where you know any visitor from any social economic background will be welcomed. Creating a group that practices individual outreach and shuns worldly social behavior will take effort. But it can be done if you actively break up the cliques and model the non judgmental behavior you expect.

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Son of Maria Dolores dos Santos Aveiro and José Dinis Aveiro, Cristiano Ronaldo was born on February 5, 1985 in Funchal, Madeira, Portugal to the name Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro. His second name Ronaldo was given to him by his father, who was a great admirer of U.S. president Ronald Regan. The youngest of four children, Cristiano Ronaldo has three siblings; an older brother Hugo and two sisters; Elma and Liliana Cátia who works as a singer in Portugal by the stage name Ronalda.

The Portuguese footballer who plays for Barclays Premier League 2006-2007, 2007-2008 Champions and winner of the 2007-2008 Champions League; Manchester United. Wearing the number 7 shirt, he plays as a winger, a central attacker and as a second forward. His passion for football was seen as early as age three and by age six when he started primary school this passion became even more obvious. His football career started at age eight when he first played for an amateur team Andorinha, for which his father was the kit man. In 1995 at just ten years old, his reputation grew in Portugal, this saw the two top teams in Madeira, in CS Marítimo and CD Nacional showing a keen interest in signing the youngster. He signed for CD Nacional and after a title winning season; he went on a three day trial at Sporting who immediately signed him for an undisclosed sum of money.

While at Sporting the Portuguese winger trained at the club’s football factory, the Alcochete; where his skills were nurtured. Though his progression at the club was obstructed by his growth, Cristiano Ronaldo became the only player in the club’s history to represent the Under-16, Under-17, Under-18, B team and first-team all in the same season. He scored two goals on his debut for Sporting against Moreirense and featured in Portugal’s Under 17 team for the UEFA Under 17 Championships. His appearance for Portugal at these championships sparked the interest of Liverpool’s then manager Gérard Houllier at the age of 16 but Houllier refused to sign him because he was deemed too young.

However, in 2003 the winger caught the eye of Manchester United’s Alex Ferguson when Sporting beat Manchester United 3-1 in a match that marked the inauguration of the Alvalade XXI stadium in Lisbon. With the departure of David Beckham, Manchester needed a right winger and he was signed for a fee of £12.24 million, becoming the Manchester United’s first Portuguese player ever. The Portuguese winger made his first appearance for the Red Devils at Old Trafford in a 4-0 win. He scored his first goal for Manchester United in the 2004 FA Cup Final against Millwall FC, the winger also scored Manchester United’s 1000th goal in a 4-1 defeat to Middlesbrough in October 2005. At the end of the season, he had a tally of 10 goals and was voted by fans to be FIFPro Special Young Player of the Year 2005, an award he also won in 2006.

In the summer of 2006, the Portugal winger was at the center of a controversy with fellow Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney; when both teams met in the world cup quarter finals. The incident saw Rooney being shown a red card and the resulting elimination of England from the world cup on penalties; the last of which was taken by the winger. Despite the incident both players remained friends and in November 2006, he won the Barclays Player of the Month award again an award he also won in December 2006. He scored his 50th goal for Manchester United which proved to be the decisive goal that gave Manchester United their first Premiership title in four years against rivals Manchester City.

In April 2007, the Portuguese national signed a new five year deal worth £120,000 a week, making him the highest paid player in Manchester United’s history. Among his accolades, the Portuguese footballer won the PFA Players’ Player of the Year, the PFA Young Player of the Year awards, the PFA Fans’ Player of the Year, the Football Writers’ Association Award and 2007 Portuguese Footballer of the Year at the end of his 2006-2007 season at Old Trafford.

Cristiano Ronaldo’s 2007-2008 season for the Barclays Premier League Champions saw him exceeding George Best’s forty year old record for the most goals scored by a midfielder in a season, at 32 goals by scoring 42 goals in all competitions helping Manchester United to back to back Premiership titles and the coveted UEFA Champions League title. Ronaldo who also placed third in the FIFA World Player of the Year awards in 2007 will be looking to place first in the same awards this year as he has proven to be the best player on the planet, with this season’s stellar performances. Cristiano Ronaldo however had a very disappointing Euro 2008 campaign with Portugal, which saw him scoring only one goal for his country that was eliminated by Germany in the quarter finals. He has also been linked to a lucrative transfer deal worth approximately EUR100 million euros to La Liga giants Real Madrid.

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Samuel Eto’o, although he seems to have been playing at the top level for such a long time, was, in fact, born in March 1981 in Nkon, Cameroon. Seemingly followed by controversy, Eto’o signed for Real Madrid as a 16 year old and had, to put it mildly, a strange relationship with the club from then on.

Firstly, upon his arrival at Madrid airport, young Samuel was famously forgotten about – a young black African with no Spanish hanging around an airport; an inauspicious beginning. After uneventful loan spells at Leganés and Espanyol, the coltish-looking Eto’o found himself loaned out to Mallorca, where he really began to show off his credentials.

Scoring 54 goals, Eto’o became the islanders’ highest league goal scorer and developed a real affinity with the supporters there – and he famously scored a spectacular individual goal against Madrid in the Bernabeu! Eto’o enjoyed his relationship with Mallorca so much that, when they reached the Copa del Rey final in 2003, he paid out EUR30,000 on a meal for them!

At the end of his loan spell, the Real Madrid supporters were almost unanimous in their desire for Samuel to return to the capital and compete for the forward positions with Raul and Ronaldo. What followed was a summer of continuous speculation and argument and eventually, for EUR24 million, the player signed for Barcelona – something that still annoys many Real Madrid fans.

Since then, Eto’o has scored goals galore for the Catalan giants. In his first, championship-winning season, Eto’o scored 25 league goals, including the title-clinching strike at Levante. He reached 50 goals in just 67 matches – a club record.

In addition to wining African Footballer of the year a record three times in succession from 2003, Samuel was part of the Cameroon side that won the African Cup in 2000 and 2002 and was runner-up in 2008. Previously, he had been the youngest player, at 17 years and 3 months, in the 1998 World Cup. He was the pichichi, top goal scorer, in La Liga in 2005/06, when, of course, he scored an equalising goal in the Champions’ League final against Arsenal.

Controversy has never been far away, however. After winning the league in 2005, Eto’o made the mistake of singing an abusive song about Madrid during the on-pitch celebrations. He has also been famously outspoken in his denouncements of racial abuse chanted in grounds – even threatening to walk off during one league game at Zaragova. Furthermore, there were times during 2007/08 season when Samuel Eto’o seemed a very forlorn figure, when his relationship with some of the other players was not at its best. At the end of the season, it seemed that the club were determined to transfer Ronaldinho, Deco and Eto’o, the perceived bad influences at the club. Eto’o, though, with typical determination, was adamant that his future was still with Barcelona – and he has proved to be absolutely correct.

Samuel Eto’o is fast, two-footed, brave and a totally committed team player and arguably the best centre forward in modern football.

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